Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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