Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
