His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
