Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
