Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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