I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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