i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
