I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your penis caused this!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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