If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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