He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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