wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
