i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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