i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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