Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
someone owes me an orgasm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
