Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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