Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
