In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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