I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Randomize
