accomplished twins. life is a go
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
