it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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