I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
