I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I AM VODKA MAN
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
