I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize