I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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