You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
