I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
