totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
