HIV tests are more positive than that guy
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
