I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
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I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm always down for nudity.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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