Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
