its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
