You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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