If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize