I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
