Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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