So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
