Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
