I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
