My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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