I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to align my fucking chakras
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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