Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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