i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
