Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
