I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
