when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
