I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
