yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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