This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
