Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
