I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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