you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
