my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
