I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
