let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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