I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
