What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
