Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
