he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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