At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
