i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
