Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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