I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
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Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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