I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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