Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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