She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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