I just gift wrapped bread.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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