I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
