So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
