All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
