forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
