That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
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What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
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You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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