Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
