I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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