Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
