just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I party with great urgency now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
