he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
