don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
