He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
