Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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