if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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