didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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