I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
